


my arms around his neck, my fingers laced a crown

by sidneysprescott



Series: Does it hurt? Dying? Quicker than falling asleep | A collection of Harry Potter one shots [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Battle of Hogwarts, Character Death, Child Abuse, Death Eaters, F/M, Forgiveness, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Miscarriage, Mother-Son Relationship, Non-Graphic Child Birth, Wizarding Wars, draco is spoiled, drarry if you want it to be, the cursed child does not exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 16:11:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13744572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidneysprescott/pseuds/sidneysprescott
Summary: there is an odd tragedy in beauty and no one knew that better than narcissa malfoy.





	my arms around his neck, my fingers laced a crown

**Author's Note:**

> Same deal as the other three additions to this series! I accept requests and this was written for my specific characterization of the character, you don't have to agree with everything I write and as per usual I ignore the cursed child being a thing. I love feedback so feel free to leave that in the comments or contact me over @deatheatvrs on tumblr. Also very open to more of these I'm planning on doing them for the other two black sisters and sirius as well, I suppose we'll see. Anyway this is the longest of the group I hope you enjoy!

i. she was born into this world crying, soon hushed with a silver spoon. her beauty was undeniable from birth, gentle big blue hues that resembled oceans and wisps of golden curls shaped her face carefully. chubby cheeks within years shaped in sharp angles, hallow and strikingly mesmerizing. 

 

ii. narcissa black had absolutely everything she could ask for. raised into a pristine family that valued honor and pride over everything else, money meant nothing and everything at the same time. no single item was too expensive for the black sisters but being merely daughters of a pureblood family they had no choice but to marry rich and pure, bring pride to the black family name with the lack of sons. 

 

iii. the youngest black was the third attempt for cygnus and druella to conceive a son and just as the previous two times it had failed. she was an easy child, a giggling and happy little girl spoiled rotten to the core but harshly disliked by her own mother. the girl’s smiles were met with harsh glares, mistakes met with rough slaps and the shattering of glass. it was never odd to narcissa, it was what she knew her entire life and believed was right. 

 

iv. she had everything she had ever wanted but it was never enough. pearl necklaces, stolen bottles of champagne and the best robes money could offer would not mend the void in her heart where she longed to be nurtured by her parents instead met with nothing less than harsh words and undeserving blows. materialistic items were the closest narcissa ever had to her mother’s love so she took it and learned to keep her mouth shut. 

 

v. marriage was not sacred, it had no meaning. to pureblood families such as the black’s it had no more meaning than a simple business transaction, the pressure of which had been eating at her for a life time. her sister bellatrix who she had idolized so dearly wed rodolphus lestrange when narcissa was still only a teenager, daring to dream of love that she assumed her sister had. 

 

vi. maybe it was not something she could have understood, not at fourteen but begging andromeda not to leave with no more than a sorrowful please and tears in her eyes cissa simply refused to believe that love was worth this. no matter how she dreamed of feeling so loved and wanted by another being, have someone view her as if she had put the stars in the night sky, she could not comprehend why her big sister was choosing love over family. it wasn’t until years later she finally understood. 

 

vii. she was a black, it was normal to learn to bite her tongue and painstakingly hold back tears that would never fall not in company at least. despite what people wanted to believe narcissa black was no fool, while protests were never spoken they were buried there under layers of obedience daring to slip. 

 

viii. her years at hogwarts were met with secrets hidden behind the castle’s stone walls. defiance and rebellion in her soul that seemed through for once in her short life. the boy that she called a lover was to please his parents and it was mutually beneficial but there was no real love shared between them. they drank and they fucked, shared secrets and wild stories but nothing more than a friendship came from the fabricated relationship that ended not long before her seventh year wrapped up. 

 

x. exiting the years of her youth, the little freedom she had to shine on her own, get a taste of rebellion and not live in the shadow of her elder sisters was gone. it wasn’t till she left the school that she realized there was no way to wiggle herself out of an arranged marriage, not without following in andromeda’s footsteps being scorched from the black family tree and deemed a failure. there was no memory of her older sister other than burnt wallpaper and utters of a traitor. that simply wasn’t something narcissa could live with so she agreed to marry lucius malfoy and was met with the unexpected. 

 

xi. despite the horrors she had expected marrying the man who had an impressive reputation to his family name, all that had melted away as fast as it came. nerves were met with gentle touches and affection, caring words and heart warming laughs. for once in her life narcissa had felt loved and within time fell hard for her soon to be husband, relieved and enchanted with the pure fact that she was not doomed to end up in a repeating cycle of miserable loveless marriages alike many pureblood families (including her own)

 

xii. adorning her mothers pearls and an elegant gown, the pair married in the spring of 1977 just under a year of her departing from the wizarding school she had called a second home for almost eight years. all her childhood worry and fears had faded into the background as she stood in front of him nearly speechless knowing that he saw her as more than just an arranged deal between families. he looked right back at her as if her beauty was enough to cause wars, as if she was everything that he could have hoped for. and with the rapid racing of her heart against her chest, the youngest black now malfoy said ’ i do ’ 

 

xiii. nothing prepares anyone for loss and in that moment, waking up in the dead of night to a searing pain twisting in her abdomen her worst fear came to realization. shoving back the silk sheets, it was impossible to hold back loud heart wrenching sobs waking lucius up in the process. there was nothing but silence between the two for hours, the sheets stripped from the bed and replaced, blood washed from her skin and clothes tossed away. when dawn finally broke over the horizon and the witch held onto her husband tight, tears staining his shirts even with her eyes clenched shut. she feared looking up to see the sorrow in his grey eyes so she avoided the temptation to glance up and tried to bare through the loss of another child. everything had been perfect, where had they gone wrong?

 

xiv. the third time around her pregnancy had remained a secret and a large part of narcissa believed that was for the better. the war was at an all time high, both her sister and her husband consumed with greed and power that the dark lord had offered them in return of doing his dirty work. she worried about both their safety but also the life of her unborn child who would be undoubtedly born at the worst time possible. despite everything their unborn son gave her a little hope that in such dark times that they would make it out of this unscathed in one piece. 

 

xv. june fifth, 1980 was the best day of narcissa’s life without a single doubt in her mind. after agonizing hours of pain and tears draco lucius malfoy was born into the world, his small shrill screams echoing against the manor’s cold and silent walls. overcome with exhaustion and happiness all at once with blonde hairs stuck to her foreheadpain fading away at the sight of him, he was the most beautiful thing narcissa had ever set her eyes upon. no amount of money or luxury could buy the pure joy she had felt in that moment holding her son for the first time lucius close to her side watching over the two of them as if there had never been anything more important. leaning into him for support, the blonde held onto the little boy in her arms tight, gaze stuck on him. ’ i cannot believe we made him… lucius he’s perfect. ’

 

xvi. the birth of their son had only left lucius in a more vulnerable spot, fear seething down to narcissa’s very core in fear draco may suffer for his parents actions. halloween 1981 was when everything changed for good. THE DARK LORD WAS DEAD. they were free of the looming fear of death and torture. narcissa could go to sleep at night knowing her son had the chance to grow up in a world that while not perfect would be better for him. 

 

xvii. perhaps she had been compensating for her lack of love and affection as a child paired with the fact that she was INCAPABLE of having another child but draco was spoiled to death. anything he wanted or needed, he got and narcissa would be damned if she watched her son be raised the same harsh and unkind way she had. there had never been a day more proud and nerve wracking than when she with her husband stood on the platform watching their eleven year old son wave happily from the windows of the train, wisps of platinum hair in his eyes. he was growing up too fast. 

 

xviii. while it was always there, lingering in the way bellatrix had become a sore topic and the dark mark stained into her husband’s forearm, the first wizarding war had become almost non existent in her memory. they were alive and they moved on. everything was fine or at least that was what she had thought till whispers of his return were spreading around like ghost stories.

 

xix. her fists curled so tight her knuckles turned white, her chest rising and falling quickly as her anger bubbled just beneath the surface festering under her skin. this could not be happening. narcissa did not know anger like this, not until this very moment where her own son was being dragged head first into a world he was far too young to be apart of. there was no dark mark stained into his pale skin yet and whenever that day may come terrified her. now standing in front of her husband with enough rage and betrayal to cause a hurricane of destruction she wanted to strike him, scream at him for involving their fourteen year old son in this. nothing in this world would be worth losing their son not even the dark lord’s deepest desires so with hushed voices and tears filling her eyes she spoke up, breaking the silence between the two. ’ if anything happens to him, i will NEVER forgive you. do you understand me? i will never forgive you, lucius. ‘ 

 

xx. those were the last words she had uttered to him before he was taken from her after the mission. and with all her heart she hoped he knew that regardless of her anger she loved him. everything had happened so quick, all the information being laid upon her faster than she could process. bellatrix had murdered sirius, the dark lord officially had returned and lucius along with a couple other death eaters were being sentenced with treason and send to azkaban. he had failed and now she was alone. everything was falling apart.

 

xxi. her worst fear had come true with the dark mark burned into her sons skin, tainting him, ruining him. he was going to die, this was their punishment. draco was ordered with killing dumbledore and with a heavy heart she yet again bit her tongue, well aware that he could not do so and would be murdered without hesitation due to such failure. 

 

xxii. desperation was a funny thing and that was what led her to severus snape’s side begging for her son’s safety for anything in return. with her older sister so drastically changed no more than a few feet from her side it was it was official. this was no longer mattered to her, in fact narcissa was unsure if it ever had if it meant the loss of her husband and the death of her son. she had her priorities like anyone else but there wasn’t anything she would not do anymore. 

 

xxiii. draco had almost died for a completely different reason than the dark lord’s anger. the famous boy who lived, harry potter who she’d heard so much about if not through news but from her own son over the years had cast a hex upon draco that he did not know the consequence of. he should have been safe at school, he was there to learn not suffer and yet narcissa was finding that there was little she could do to protect him anymore. he was sixteen now, no longer a child that needed her every step of the way. 

 

xxiv. the manors grey interior was now decorated with many familiar faces, death eaters scattered around the dining table with an unspoken tension between them all. the crackling of the fire place and the slithering of nagini against the marble floors was the only thing to be heard, any words would fall upon deaf ears as her mind was else where. sat between her son and husband, her chest was tight hand gently wrapping around lucius’ wrist as a subtle gesture of comfort before his wand was snapped in two. they were not surviving this war. 

 

xxv. narcissa never understood why muggles prayed to gods, higher beings of mythical power in faith or hope for something better. it all seemed silly and like a waste of time but as her knees dug into the hard earth beneath her, hovering over the boy who lived a part of her understood. ’ draco, is he alive ? ’ her voice was so quiet she feared he may not even hear her hushed words but in response the mother received the slightest of nods and with that she rose to her feet. is he alive, her sister pondered and with more confidence than she had ever had the witch uttered a single word. DEAD. 

 

xxvi. bravery was something that was either gifted at birth or learned but the third of may 1998 was when narcissa malfoy had gained a sense of bravery and courage she never thought she held before; heading into battle without a wand in search of her son. in his eyes narcissa could see the pain and regret he held in his heart, his actions motivated by fear and wanting nothing more than to please his parents. it was a fault in her parenting, in lucius’ devotion to the dark lord that she had lost years ago. 

 

xxvii. the sea of black where they stood was departing, the battle starting back up and with her son towering over her side narcissa was more than ready to leave. nothing was worth burying her son. for a brief moment her tired eyes met those of molly weasley’s, exhausted as her own and filled with a kind of grief that she never cared to understand. despite the differing sides they stood on there was an unspoken wave of sympathy, an understanding that this war had claimed enough lives and no more needed to be lost. with that she turned on her heel, grasping draco’s hand tightly in her own and shoved her way through the death eaters apparating and spreading out with intent to kill. her heels made solid clicks against the stone and rumble beneath her feet, her back finally turned to a battle that they simply could not win more than thankful her husband had made the intelligent choice to follow. 

 

xxviii. unlike many narcissa malfoy got to say that despite the abundance of mistakes she had made, she was able to live long enough to see her son grow up and watch as his scars healed and find happiness in time. with the heart breaking loss of bellatrix, somehow narcissa had finally reconciled with andromeda shocked that somewhere her older sister could still find forgiveness in her heart even if cissa had never offered much before in return. it was not a perfect life but hell, if she didn’t try to make the best of it. narcissa is proud to have found it in herself to change, proud to have made the best of things and so proud to be her son’s mother.


End file.
